Ready to Rock and Roll with Me?

Someone who knows me well told me recently that I can get inspiration from anywhere. It’s so true. I’m one of those people who’d be happy looking at a tree in the forest all day. This morning, my latest inspiration came from a small rock in my shoe.

Yes, one small rock.

I tried so hard to ignore this one small rock because I desperately wanted to continue my morning exercise.

Finally , I leaned down to take it out of my shoe and that was when it hit me. This realization.

Actually, the realization came in two parts.

The first part went something like this:

A child’s feelings can be something like that small rock in my shoe. It’s there, it’s solid, it’s real and yet, I’m wanting it to go away at first without actually paying much attention to it. Why won’t it just leave so I can continue on my walk?

Think you’re getting the picture here. Sometimes, our children’s feelings are just like this rock. The feelings that your child has are very real, very ‘solid’ from your child’s perspective. From your perspective as the parent, your child’s big feelings that have him/her crying, screaming, kicking, hitting, slamming doors are all things that you may just want to ‘go away’ so you can get on with whatever it is that you’re doing. To move through life ‘as planned.’

Yet, it’s these big emotional moments that really wake us up to having the deepest connection with our children. When you can focus your undivided attention on holding the space for your child to move through a big feeling, then something miraculous happens. You get a quality of connection with your child that enriches everything that you’re doing from that point forward.

When you pay attention to your child’s feelings and needs, you are taking that rock out of your shoe.

Now, for the second part of my realization that really rocked me to my core.
I realized in that small moment of feeling pestered by this small rock in my shoe just how significant things that are really not that significant can seem at times. Your world really revolves around your perspective.

For a moment, my perspective was altered (pain, instead of a pleasurable morning walk) and I drew my attention away from my larger intention of why I was even on that walk in the first place! (to reflect on some areas in our new Parent Coach Training program….my favorite thing being to walk and brainstorm.)

It was then that I realized just how quickly and significantly a perspective can shift.
And, isn’t it the same in our parenting?

You may be feeling calm and satisfied during your day and then your child does one thing that really sets you off and there shifts your whole perspective.

So, how do you retain your perspective while allowing for you and your child to go through the veritable plethora of emotions you may find yourselves experiencing daily?

In order to answer this, I need to take you to my son’s preschool and something that touched me deeply last week while I spent some time there.

We were all gathered around in a reading circle after nap time ( I was visiting) and the new teacher was trying to read a book to all of the kids, ages 3-5. Many of the kids began fidgeting and needed to move their bodies, given that they had just been sleeping for a while. As I watched my son and his friends fidget, play, laugh and intermittently wrestle each other, I was amazed at the new teacher’s response.

She calmly connected with each one of them and had these very fun, engaging conversations about what they were doing. What amazed me was her demeanor. The fact that nobody was really listening to the book and wanted to do something else wasn’t bugging her at all. She used the moment to really connect with all of them. I felt as if there was something magical taking place in those moments.

Later that afternoon at the school holiday party, I talked with the new teacher and acknowledged her for how great she was at connecting with the children. She just smiled and knowingly said, ‘Yes, I’ve been used to working with special needs kids before I came here. If one of those kids could just sit up while you were reading, it was a huge accomplishment. It just shifted my perspective to what’s really important.’

‘Wow’, was all I thought.

It was one of those moments that stopped time for me and I realized that this has got to be one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as parents:

‘What is really important here?’

You can anchor yourself in your intention for yourself and your child.

You can anchor yourself in the quality of connection that you’d like for you and your child to have.

You can anchor yourself in the knowingness that all is ok.

You can anchor yourself in a greater perspective that answers that question for you of what’s really important.

And when you can find your anchor within your greater perspective, then the rocks seem to dissipate and life truly seems to roll.